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Thirteen Poems
Translated by Camilo Gómez-Rivas
SPLINTER
I was two
when I fell through a hole in the roof on my grandfather’s geese coop
I got up without a scratch
Dumb and innocent
I put my entire hand in the frying pan with the dancing rings of peppers
it swelled with blue liquid but I don’t hate sweet peppers.
I fell onto the grinding stone from the grapevine trellis in front of my grandfather’s house
and didn’t cry from the pain
but over the grapes breaking my fall
that were crushed in my hands
As a child
I played with stones and dirt and earthworms. I stole berseem flowers and pressed them in school books or threw them into the wind. I pulled out my milk teeth, avoiding my father’s heavy hand, and threw them into the sun while wishing for new teeth, stronger and prettier. I stole the seeds from my uncle’s field and put them in the spring, for crystal trees to grow from the drops of water. I dreamt in the shade from where I saw what hid in the sun. I slept tired under the beds of the neighbor’s children, hiding from my brothers and from bedtime. Life locked me in rooms, the keys hanging from my mother’s neck so she could go to the market for the week’s provisions.
Life was generous with a soul
that I contemplate now
sitting on a rock in the shade
while looking at my heart
lying before me on the dirt split in two
Ayeh!
Childhood is
a splinter piercing my skin
right under my fingernails
and when I try to dig it out with the needle of remembering
the pain wrecks me.
THROB
What I like most about fishing
is how they thrash when they come out of the water into the daylight
a throbbing I would grip firmly on my rod so it came through to me complete
undiminished
so I wouldn’t miss a thing of it
this shaking and throbbing that taught me the meaning of being a hunter
the meaning of being compelled to hunt,
that tug I lived my whole life chasing
since I was a boy
going to the river every day at noon with my uncle
to fetch lunch for a whole family,
hungry
THE BUTTERFLY’S PUNISHMENT
Hide, boy! Hide that mulberry stain on your white clothes. Your mother and your aunts are looking for you. If they see you like this they’re not going to forgive you your folly. Their coarse fingers will leave red marks on your cheeks and ears and bruise overnight. They’ll forbid you from hunting the white butterfly on the berseem flowers growing in your uncle’s field. Hide your skinny body behind that mulberry trunk. Pull your knees up to your chest and muffle your breathing as you hear their feet sink heavy in the wet earth, their cracked feet treading on wheat ears detaching their bright yellow grains. Sink deep into your silence. Don’t raise your little hand to the first colorful butterfly that hovers into sight.
Little
right hand
with five fingers
veins popping
the blood flow almost visible
telltale
as he reaches for the butterfly full of colors that his eyes follow
as his mother’s hand catches him
He didn’t cry
the shame of the crime didn’t dispel his boyhood
He lifted his weak arms to fend off the blows
and he could still see the butterfly colors flickering before his eyes,
imagining the punishment it would receive from its mother
when it went home like that,
wings stained
with mulberry.
TRELLIS
What misery there was for Abd al-Mun‘im Qutb Hamida, my grandfather, from whom I’d hide the hammer, pressing it against my thigh so he wouldn’t see it from where he was lying and know I had filled my pockets with nails to hammer them furtively into the grapevine.
I knew him lying on his side on the straw mat in the courtyard or leaning against the wall, giving orders to his short skinny wife or warning her off.
My grandfather, whom I saw so many times intervening between the family’s big men. He would scold the bullies, slap the women, and push back tyranny.
His cough waited, ready, and ever-present
It lent sleeping near him a sweet and safe quality
He died before I could show him the scars of the nails in the grapevine he’d planted thirty years before.
But I am sure he saw them and said nothing, spitting his curse with his cough
“God damn you, Ibn Fouad,
you’re ruining the tree.”
God,
why does his smell surround me and the sound of him clearing his throat
when I buy grapes
growing in this cold?
EVERY DAY
Three people cross the same street every day.
A man whose manhood quivers with the flicker of every passing skirt.
He asks himself:
What’s the use of choosing
as long as every bee makes its honey?
A lover closes his eyes to his beloved’s shortcomings.
He asks himself:
What use is it to question
so long as my heart is filled with love?
A wood gatherer
leaves every morning with an axe over his shoulder.
He asks himself:
What use is a tree without fruits or flowers
when it doesn’t shade the passersby in the heat of the day?
INAUSPICIOUS BLACK
We must honor
this inauspicious, black
and ill-fortuned,
cawing after anyone smiling
We must realize its true value and superiority
for it taught us
how to get rid of bodies we come upon unexpectedly
suffocating on the last rattle, between our fingers
We must practise how to modify ourselves, how to love it,
cherish it and give it its due,
welcome it even in the morning
smiling behind us as we leave our homes on our business,
sending us off on our daily departure
to schools and nurseries
holding our children’s hands
We must honor and
venerate
and respect it,
deal with it amicably,
this raven, cawing triumphant,
digging in the distance
a grave for its brother
ONCE ISN’T ENOUGH
Wind the wrap ten times around her
once isn’t enough
or two
or three
or four
five or seven aren’t enough
ten is
for her to be properly concealed from the midday sun
from the eyes of those who pass by the bier
staring
at their feet, treading softly on the earth of the cemetery
Wind this soul up tight
Wrap her from her head to her toe in Egyptian linen,
slap the back of her hand if she tries to get away
put the index finger of your right hand across your lips to quiet her talking
tell her to keep her voice down
in the presence of this shrouded body whose rattle fills the room
tell her to behave properly
to bow her head before these two legs she dragged on made-up errands
so as not to raise her eyes to its eyes
Teach her to honor those eyes withered by restlessness and insomnia and crying and writing
and to kiss this hand that wrote what was dictated without question
Tell her she’s ruined it enough already
that it’s turned rotten like spoiled fruit
Show her its stomach raised on hunger
the heart she tamed like a lion
and turned to stone
unbending before a mother’s breast, and unyielding to a glance from a father’s eye
pull her ears like a miserable child when you wash her long hair
make her see the blue bite marks her playing left on its cold heart
Drag her from her hair and stand her up, head tilted
and count the blue bruises on her ears
Did you see?
Here’s the bruise of the first slap
Here the bruise from the pinch of solitude
Here the bruise from the bite of memory
Here the bruise of failure where the wings are growing under her arms
Here the bruise of leaving the warm darkness and opening eyes wide in the October sun
Here the bruise a woman left her
who pulled her shawl from his hands and disappeared
Here the bruise left by Adam’s ten fingers
Tell her
once is not enough
nor two
nor three
nor four
five or seven aren’t enough
Ten is enough
to be properly concealed
from the midday sun.
THEATRE
The Comedy:
When a man sleeps and dreams about a dead woman who comes crying to him, quarrelling and threatening him with suicide.
The Black Comedy:
When the man fears the idea of sleep and the woman returns to threaten him again with suicide.
The Tragedy:
When she goes through with her threats and commits suicide.
The Absurd:
When he mourns her.
EARTH
Our virgin mother
black of face
We hurt her to bury our dead
she bore and formed from clay
Six feet under earth
is enough
to return things entrusted to her family
and pile earth
on earth.
TIP OF SHYNESS
I will begin to write from the end of the line
without pauses or full stops
or meaningless spaces
I won’t embellish the letters
or vowelize them
or care for the eye that reads them
Let’s be honest
You have two children from two other men and I have two children from another woman,
You are the middle sibling, between brothers, and I am the first born of peasants come from mud of ignorance to mud unknown
You are a few years older than me, and I have been a father a few years longer, as I see in your eyes when you curl up like a lion who’s escaped the trap and into my arms.
Your mother and mine are old ladies who complain about the pranks of time and the pains of rheumatism
and each of us has his and her own accent
and eloquence picked up from the street.
Let’s be honest
On this wide coarse bed in which we scratch each other like cats fleeing the cold dark street, we drink each other’s saliva, cured with tobacco and wine, in hot slow kisses under the light of candles
Did you not see me when your mother gave birth to you and I was bent over your belly as I cut with the rusty knife
your coiled cord before you cried your first cry in this world?
Did you not see me when I was wiping the birth blood from your warm head, cleaning off the drying bits from your blue legs?
You say: “I didn’t see you
but I felt your skinny finger with the black nail” as she rubs my groin and two red lips open beneath her
and a small red-blood tongue grows between them, which you called “your hidden rose”,
I called “the tip of shyness”.
You didn’t see me
but you felt my blackened finger
and I didn’t see you
but I could smell you under the sheets and feel the pulse in your veins, under your heart before it beats and before the scalpel first plants pain in it and before the first black stain of life seeps in.
You were between my father’s lips as he went to throw himself on my mother
I was between your mother’s breasts before your father went to throw himself on her.
And today roses grow in our palms and wilt before they blossom, and we walk, bowed under the weight of the wooden plough, and there are those who beat and beat, whereas we don’t feel or moan. We just move to open lines in the earth’s heart and leave the job of killing the earthworms to the sun.
Let’s be honest
For three years we licked our salt water sweat and spilled blood
without growing apart or separating,
we cried and shouted.
I swore and angered you
you cursed me
I spit at you and you at me
your two children grew up with mine in my house. I bought them presents and toys and new clothes
You bathed mine and played with them on the dewy grass and taught them your accent and whispered
cusses in their ears so they’d grow up knowing the world.
Be honest with me, then,
Tell me why I shout at you this way right now
while I’m above you slapping your rear with my hand like a rider with black reins wrapped around my hands,
sweat running under my arm pits
every time I thought of my feverish tongue touching your pink nipple,
as if you had never nursed your children
as if they hadn’t emerged from your womb through cesareans
and as if I hadn’t borne and bathed and scolded and pinched and cleaned
and cried like a child when they were ill
The birthmark on your left shoulder
darker than the one on the right
will guide me to the first step of your soul’s cellar
and I will hang the keys to my blackened life around your round sunken navel
drinker of the salt of sweat
around my neck since my mother had me
I will begin to write from the end of the line
without pauses
or periods
or meaningless spaces
let’s be honest
The above poems were selected and translated from the collection ‘Ashar Turuq li-l-Tankil bi-Juththa (Ten Ways to Torture a Corpse),
Dar al-Adab, Beirut, 2010
TO BRUISE MY CHEEK
I
At first sight
you in black
I in turquoise
between us a thread of light
and your dark body
II
Were I to say
were I to be able
I wouldn’t flee
I wouldn’t unstring your amber necklace
over the rug in the hall.
III
Your lip
the first disaster
and your eyes
your foot
as it touches the ground
••••
Be careful not to bruise my cheek
under your heels.
PICKED FRUIT
Close your eyes
so mine don’t hurt you
as they sketch rivulets of warm blood in your veins
Lean back on the bed we were just washing with the beads of our sweat,
the Chinese pin in your hair invites my teeth to remove it
and your country earrings I will remove with love-shy fingers.
The kohl of your eyelids I’ll remove with my tongue
and leave fingernail crescents on your breasts,
tender as they disappear in the dark
and turn into waxing moons
getting ready for sleep
I will stay awake watching over the den of dreams
as they fall quietly over your soft forehead
I throw the seeds to their open beaks
and with my walking stick drive away the strange birds
as I return the picked grapes
that you press in my mouth.
The above poems were selected and translated from the collection Harir (Silk), Dar al-Nahdha al-‘Arabiyya, 2007
OTHER THAN MYSELF
I was little
chasing the doves of our village, throwing stones,
whispering secrets to the bees on my family’s grapevine,
hunting butterflies with two fingers from the roses
and playing the nay I made of reed for the neighbor’s dog
I was beautiful,
opening my arms to embrace the light,
escaping,
breathing in the blazing sun
to cool the air,
running ravenous to bury my head in the chest of my mother’s friends
And when they’d call me
I’d hide – like a mouse – between flowers.
I thought myself a prophet,
or someone other than myself.
And when I grew up
my suspicions
were confirmed.
The above poem was selected and translated from the collection Bi-Kadma Zarqa’ min ‘Addati al-Nadam (With a Blue Bruise from the Bite of Regret), Dar Sharqiyyat li-l-Nashr wa-l-Tawzi‘, Cairo, 2005.
Published in Banipal 54 - ECHOES
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